a lot of thought.

Even though the decision to go back to school is one I've been wrestling with for a while now, I've only told a handful of people I was considering a career change. I know it may seem like I'm being impulsive and reckless, so here's the whole story:

I feel like I have been wandering through the wilderness for at least the past two years. Don't get me wrong; I love my job. In fact, it means so much to me that I've been hanging on to it for dear life, even though I knew it wasn't something I was supposed to be doing long-term. I've had a passion for health and wellness for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a pediatrician. Then it switched to being a nurse. After that, I decided I would become a personal trainer and own my own gym. I actually changed my major at the end of my freshman year at MSU to exercise science, then quickly changed it back in response to all of the raised eyebrows being cast my way.

So here I am, four years into a career that I realize will never completely fulfill me. I've toyed with the idea of owning my own design business, which I halfheartedly started in order to put a name and purpose to the steady stream of freelance projects that fill my spare time. Then I remembered how much I loved exercise, so I started a boot camp with my friends on Wednesdays and vowed to get certified as a personal trainer. Then I thought, why not just become a nurse? (Not to sound like I thought it'd be easy; I know better.) That way, I'd be even more credible as a trainer, but I could also help take care of people, and I would very much love that. However, I didn't know how my weak stomach would fare.

And so I wrestled. Back and forth. Nothing seemed to fit quite right. I didn't have a peace about any of it.

Last week, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. I've been out of commission for a month with a herniated disc. To make matters worse, my husband is training out-of-town for his job, so I'm holding down the fort. But not only could I not exercise and be as active as I desperately wanted; I couldn't even take out my own trash because of my back. My independence had been robbed from me. I felt helpless, grappling with the depressing fear that I couldn't take care of myself. Gosh, this is what disabled people must feel like, I thought. How awful it is to realize that you aren't in a position to take care of yourself, even if mine was only temporary. And that's when everything seemed to make sense.

I wanted to empower others to be healthy. I've always wanted that. I want to give people their confidence back. Their independence. I wanted to leave work every day, knowing that I directly affected someone's life for the better.

Physical therapy was what I needed to be doing. It was suddenly more clear to me than anything had been in the past two years. Every major event in my life until now made sense, as if I was being pointed in this direction and didn't even know it.

Not only will I be doing something that fits my personality and fulfills a deep need in me to make a difference in the lives of others, but there are other perks as well. Those that speak deep to the core of who I am.

First of all, I am a developer. I can immediately see potential in others and want to inspire them to reach it, but I get very depressed if there's no progress. In nursing, I could do my very best, and my patient may still not get better. In fact, I may deal with a lot of death as a nurse. But in therapy, there are measurable outcomes. I can substantiate progress, which is crucial to me.

Not to mention the hours are flexible and the pay is good. It's an active job, which is what I need. I get way too fidgety sitting at a desk all day; in fact, I got a degree in journalism so I wouldn't be stuck behind a desk. And no matter where, or if, my husband's job moves us out-of-state, I will always be able to find work.

It's overwhelming, the thought of going back to school. I have nine science classes I have to take before I can enter the Doctor of Physical Therapy program at UTC, which I will apply to next fall for the fall 2010 program. I have five years of schooling ahead of me. It's scary. But at this point, it seems unnatural to even think about doing anything else.

So there it is. I have given this a lot of thought. I've done my homework. And as of today, I am officially registered for classes.